I turned a corner in my life not too long ago. I finally learned how to put myself first, really first, without the guilt that used to tag along. Looking back, I wish I’d figured it out decades earlier. If you’re reading this and you feel things deeply, like my daughter Aurora does, like I still do, I want to save you some of the pain I carried for way too long.

I’ve always been straight with my kids. They’ve seen me at my strongest and at my messiest. Good decisions, terrible ones, moments I’m proud of and ones that still sting. I let them watch it all unfold because I wanted them to learn from a real person, not a polished version of one. I wanted them to see that mistakes don’t make you weak, they make you wiser if you let them.

My daughter has this enormous heart. She notices when someone’s hurting before they even say a word. She forgives too easily, absorbs other people’s sadness like it’s hers to fix. It’s beautiful. It’s also exhausting. I know because I’ve lived it. That kind of empathy is a gift, but without protection, it becomes a weight that slowly crushes you.

Here’s what I’ve finally understood after years of trial and error: self-esteem is the single most powerful thing any of us will ever have. Master that, and everything changes.

I remember standing in rooms full of people who could buy and sell companies before lunch. Billionaires, executives, power players. For so long I felt small in those spaces, shrinking, second-guessing, trying to disappear into the wallpaper. Then something shifted. I started holding my head up, speaking clearly, owning my place. I watched their faces change from indifference to respect. It wasn’t magic. It was the quiet certainty that comes when you stop letting other people define your worth.

That strength doesn’t come from being tough or cold. It comes from pairing deep empathy with deep self-respect. You already have the empathy part covered, probably more than enough for the whole world. What you need now is the armor: strong boundaries, steady self-care, the inner voice that says, “I matter too.”

I used to worry that taking care of myself would make me selfish or arrogant. I carried that fear like a badge of honor. But people like us, natural empaths, givers by instinct, don’t turn into monsters when we protect ourselves. We just stop breaking.

Empathy is a double-edged sword. It lets you connect on a level most people never reach. It also cuts deep when you let it run unchecked.

I’ve felt that blade. I’ve let people slide when they didn’t deserve it. I’ve stayed too long in situations that drained me. I’ve carried sadness that wasn’t mine until it became chronic. It made me sad, resentful, smaller than I was meant to be. And I kept telling myself it was the right thing to do.

Until I couldn’t anymore.

The turning point was simple but hard: I realized I’d already paid the price. I’d already made the mistakes, shed the tears, suffered the consequences. My kids don’t have to repeat that cycle. Neither do you.

Self-care isn’t optional for deep feelers. It’s how we stay whole enough to keep giving. Tune out the noise, the critics, the doubters, the endless chatter. Turn inward instead. Ask yourself what you need right now. A walk alone? A firm no? A moment to breathe without explaining yourself? Give it freely. No apologies needed.

When that old worry creeps back, “Am I becoming selfish?” look at the truth. The most loving people I know aren’t the ones who bleed out for everyone. They’re the ones who fill their own cup first so it never runs empty.

I hug my daughter a little tighter these days, not because she needs saving, but because I want her to see what standing tall looks like.

If you’re reading this and your heart feels heavy from caring too much, hear me: You don’t have to keep paying with pieces of yourself. Protect your empathy by protecting you first. Build that quiet, unshakable self-esteem. Watch how the world opens up when you stop shrinking.

You were born with so much light. Don’t let anyone, including your own doubts, dim it.

You’ve got this. And I’m rooting for you every step.

With all my heart,
Shaunna